Pitchfork Premonitions

As I sit here with blue hair dye soaking in my bleached ends (and probably also parts of my body that I won’t know about until tomorrow), chugging warm beer along to my ‘p4k prep’ playlist, I am mentally pregaming for the weekend I’m about to have—artists I’ve been dying to see, exes I don’t, leqqks that will outdo yours and ways to stay grounded.

Here is my early forecast for the weekend:

  • Although weather apps say otherwise, it will rain.
  • I will cry to Tribe Called Quest, more specifically when I hear the late Phife’s voice, more specifically during his verse on “Award Tour,” more specifically “Phife Dawg’s my name but on stage, call me Dynamutt!”

  • If I make it in time for Dawn Richard, I won’t regret it. I would be crazy to miss an ex-Danity Kane tertiary member-turned-indie daisy.

  • I will stain an item of clothing, probably my borrowed friend’s embroidered Mickey Mouse fanny pack childhood.

  • Frankie Cosmos will stun the crowd with her incredible live renditions and I will become a longtime fan.

  • Dirty Projectors will be awkward live and all I will think about is his overshadowed ex and the true star of the group, Amber Coffman.

  • Madlib will be super late and super high.

  • ~* I will see an ex and I will prove myself as the kewler successor in many categories but I’ll still be too nervous to really say anything kewl*~

  • I will break a piece of equipment and pout over some overpriced lukewarm Wao Bao

  • The fuzzed baseline in Mitski’s “Best American Girl” will knock our fuckin’ sawks awff because this is the kind of thing that is made to be performed and consumed live!

  • Angel Olsen will still make no sense to me.

  • Neither will LCD Soundsystem (Sry not sry!!)

  • We will all wonder why we came to this awful cowheard known as a 'festival' and then remember when Solange performs "Don't Touch My Hair" and "Losing You."

  • This weekend will give me a new perspective for the next sub-chapter of my life.

  • I will sprain both ankles by the end of Sunday.